my thoughts . my memories . my family . my projects . my fears


January 03, 2009 By: admin Category: Happiness, House, India, Living, Love, Meditation, PMS, Politics


…it’s been an extraordinary year, that’s for sure.

My 2008 started with a trip back to Kolkata, India. Read all about it here (scroll down to start at the beginning of the saga…). Molly and I stayed there for a month in the apartment of good friends who became better friends once we lived with them. :) You can’t imagine the experiences you’ll have in India, and working on the film I just finished and looking forward to starting the edit on the one I shot that Jan. in 2008, make me think that there’s no way I won’t go back for another, even longer, extended stay. We were there for a month, and it was one of the toughest and best months of my entire life. I look back on it with both awe and longing…

The rest of the year included finishing up an online series about sustainability, which has led to a career in social and environmental journalism, seeing Rickie Lee Jones in concert four Mondays in a row (Molly’s 1st time hearing her…), preparing for the political conventions, and trying to get my mind around alternate reality games that, if played, will teach as much as entertain, and, finally, 2008 saw me crossing the country back to Boston and buying my first house.

I inexplicably have the blues today. Maybe it’s hormones. My breasts feel fake: huge, hard, and uncomfortable like lumbering stones that don’t fit with the rest of my body. I look outside at the dark snow–dark because the day is dark, even though the snow is white–and can’t make any sense of why such a beautiful, cozy day shouldn’t be filled with soothing introspection, hearty stews, and a warm wood stove fire. I’ve managed to get a lot done, but still feel profoundly like something is missing. I do miss Molly today, a lot. So maybe that’s it. We spoke last night over chat and to see her and not be able to hold her was torture. I could drive into the city today to see her, but why? It’s just another day. Or is it…???

Some how 2008 has seemed longer than other recent years. When I was a kid a year was a lifetime. As I got older they sped up and seemed to go by in a blink, but I feel like I felt every moment of 2008. So much hardship, emotional torture & travail. Whoever thought one could feel this way in a first world country? Seems silly… And yet, it was real. 2008 will probably go down as my most painful year. A year of catharsis,  examination, wrenching change, discovery, learning…

Maybe it’s the snow. I haven’t lived through snow like this for 4 years. What the hell happened out there in CA??? I had such a hard time… I remember looking forward from L.A. and somehow knowing my future house was going to be a lifeboat-it is, and I’m building it into something cozy and warm and wonderful right now-but suffering what I did out there makes even the house’s power seem weak at times.

It is the hormones, and so I should shut up. The feeling of sadness is lifting a little and cramps are starting. I still miss Molly waaaaay too much not to try to see her, but we’ll see how the day goes. I have some shopping to do, and a few errands. Activities like that usually suffice to knock me out of the self-indulgent brooding I”m given to every now and again. We’ll see…;)

To all of you, here’s to 2009! Finally a barrier has been broken in the American presidency – it’s time for us all to reach farther for our dreams than we ever have. If such a stereotype can be overcome, so can anything.

Keep pursuing!

Much love,


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