my thoughts . my memories . my family . my projects . my fears

Late Night Salad

December 03, 2007 By: admin Category: Blogging Dinner, Cooking, Fatblogging, Food, Living, Mom, NewsQuake!, Randomosity, sustainability, Video

Sneezing is my body’s way of flushing tension. Once, when I was really high on mushrooms and freaking out, I began crying uncontrollably–runny nose and everything–because I was terrified that I would stay this way forever. Then I wiped my nose and a lightbulb went off: “That’s how it’s going to leave!” I shrieked with joy, and began blowing my nose furiously.

I’m eating an organic salad–red butter lettuce and green leaf lettuce–because I think i might be coming down with something. I’m exhausted…

I’ve never been mistaken for a rocket scientist. Just another pretty girl in the room who’s destined, in everyone’s mind except mine, to be second. Standing in line for the ice cream truck once at age 7, I asked my mother: “Mommy, am I second?” And she said: “No. You’ll never be second at anything.” Somehow, even coming from a rough childhood in socially backward 30s Peru, Mom knew just what feminist vibe to deliver to her young first-generation daughter. Not much has changed. Except that now I have to make up what she would say.

I too, like my new idol, Elizabeth Gilbert, will travel the world. I don’t know if it’ll be on my own or for a company, but the time will be mine to do with what I want. I feel the need for this coming soon, and am so moved by the warmth from my father’s voice whenever we talk about me going back to India. I grew up with my parents being afraid of me traveling. Or maybe it was just Mom, I don’t know… But Dad’s not fearful now. He’s encouraging, and sprinkles his reactions with touches of awe.

It’s 1:00am and I’m still working. I know… But I really feel a sense of responsibility to finishing these videos on time. I set the schedule for myself, but it’s not about that–I really want to ‘show up” for those few folks who are actually “watching” this series. Who knows how many they really area, but even if it’s just me, it’s enough.

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