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Yeah, Of Course I’ll Do That

September 06, 2011 By: admin Category: Living

I’m so very very tired of being taken advantage of. Its really gotten to be so much, enough, that I just don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. Sometimes I think the struggle for equality–as a woman and as a kind person–is just too much and I think to myself that I want to give up and just do some simple day job close to home, make my mortgage every month, watch TV, and wait to grow old and die.

I am so, so, so sick of making less money, everywhere I go, than my male counterparts. It’s so goddamned exhausting to remind one more boss that, yes, what I do is just as valuable and yes, I should get paid the same.

It’s also so so so exhausting treating someone soooooo well day in and day out while they treat me like shit. I’ve made my peace with their behavior, but it’s really wearing on me. I wish I could just be a distant benefactor: put a bunch of money in an account every month and have that be that. Honestly, how selfish can someone really be? How long can a selfish person maintain their selfishness before it comes to bite them in the ass?

And how long can I continue to support that which doesn’t support me?

The question is: what else can I do? In terms of the job, I have a great one in a terrible economic crisis after having been out of work for over one year. Do I have a choice there? There aren’t any jobs better than this one for me. This one is amazing, but how amazing is it really┬áif they discriminate against me?

As for the kindness thing, there is just some care-taking of others that I can’t not do. I can’t walk away from the wounded and helpless. Some people have had it so much harder than me… but to that my friend Alison would say: “And you’ve done enough for a while. Take a break and give to yourself a bit. No more strays.”

I am so tired of being reliable.

2 Comments to “Yeah, Of Course I’ll Do That”


  1. I think life does feel Sisyphean lately. The grind of a poor economy, everyone is tired, everyone is worn out. And at times creativity, doing what matters seems almost like a luxury, like something that can be discarded. But that’s not you. You are a creative person, attracted to other creative types, it’s not an easy role in this world but it’s who you are.

    Someday the economy will rise, the fear will ease and we can all start leaping again…

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  2. Thanks for that, Deidre. Very much. People ARE tired. Everywhere. Just worn out. It’s amazing anything still gets done. I can’t imagine the day when the economy gets better. I’m 44 and the best-case for improvement looks like ten years away. How tired will we all be by then? Will we have any energy left to try one more time…?

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