lextopia

my thoughts . my memories . my family . my projects . my fears
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Archive for December, 2006

Catching Up To The Future

December 21, 2006 By: admin Category: Uncategorized

The future just arrived. Today. Actually, last night. It started last night. M’s father pulled me aside to tell me something in confidence. This has never happened before, so you can bet that – even with a few glasses of wine in me – I paid attention… John asked if I had any thoughts on having children. I said that, yes, M. and I have talked about it a lot. He then suggested that I go first, because of my age (“Your clock is ticking,” he said), and suggested I do so with M’s brother as the donor.

I KNOW!!!! WOW!!!!!

But that wasn’t all. NEXT he suggested MY BROTHER AS A DONOR FOR M. This is all pretty big stuff and just so REAL, it was an incredible moment. As a result I can say officially that I have had more “real” moments – moments that you realy can’t sleep through; moments that when you’re in them you are 100% aware of how important and impacting they are – with M’s family than I have with anyone else. They’re just good people and have embraced me into their family with such gusto that I can’t ignore it anymore. I am HERE TO STAY, and actually HAVE AN IMPACT on their lives. It’s an incredible feeling, especially after so much time feeling invisible. Amazing…

I Dream Like This

December 16, 2006 By: admin Category: Uncategorized

I dream of Mom all the time. Michael just told me that he had his first dream of her “in a while” 2 nights ago. At the moment my eyes had landed on a page of news I was reading online and caught the word “Obituary.” I suddenly remembered doing a Google search on her a few weeks ago and finding a notice my Dad had put up about her death. I can’t remember where he put it, but it was somewhere familiar. One of our schools, or something. “Beloved wife of…” It’s still so dissociating. You can’t imagine it unless it’s happened to you.

Life On Blog

December 14, 2006 By: admin Category: Uncategorized

My friend Katie wants to blog. She’ll be AMAZING at it. I spoke to her for a long time on the phone today about what sites to check out, how to “do” it – blogging -, and then sent her a long email with some of my favorite links. It’s exciting to think how long Katie and I have known each other, and to see us now adapting so well to the new world. Blogging. Holy shit. Vlogging. I had to tell her what that meant. I didn’t even know what it meant until a year ago… It’s exciting because blogging is the ultimate democracy. Choice On Wheels. You can create a blog or a vlog and put it up on the web for all to see. This is beautiful. It’s like meeting new and interesting people while sipping coffee on a plaza in Rome. No shit. You’re sitting at a cafe near the Spanish steps and all of a sudden some tall, blonde dude and his super-short-haired, blonde girlfriend will ask you for sugar. In perfect English-With-A-Dutch-Accent.

The Dutch always seem to really travel a lot. Have you noticed that…???

Anyway, so Katie is getting into blogging. She’s a professional mom and accomplished children’s book writer, so she’ll be a natural. It’s also exciting to think about reading her stuff every day. No matter what she writes about. Katie and I have known each other for – fuck – over 30 years (when did THAT happen..????), and fell to only being in touch, like, once a year. It’s life, you know. Work, relationships. Work. Moving too quickly. Maybe why the Chinese eat so much rice or the Indians do so much yoga – slows’em down. Katie and I need to slow down. I find that when only half of my day is “full” I feel much better. Working from home helps a lot, and so I’m looking forward to Katie discovering that bliss.

You go girl!

India and more

December 13, 2006 By: admin Category: Uncategorized

This morning I started thinking about packing. What will I bring to India? And what will I be able to fit in my suuitcase that will otherwise be filled with gifts? Juthica has told me that coffee table books of classicly American (Native American) images would be best for adults and any kind of electronic gadgets would be best for kids. There are three kids I’m bringing stuff for. They are the children of the 2 professors I am interviewing for a piece on Kolkata itself. The city has had an internationally bad rap for long enough and so, although I have to address the issue of poverty and squalor, I’m also going to have these guys talk about the wonders and beauty of the city. It was, after all, once the capitol of India…

Last night I had flight-panic. But this is normal. It’s not that I’m afraid to fly, it’s that I’m afraid to leave my house. My routine. I am a slave to the comfort of routine. Cancer with Cancer rising and my Moon in Cancer. Oy vey… Anyway, so this is what happens to me before a trip: I’ll spend a couple of days being very excited, then will wake up one night FREAKING OUT about leaving M. and having to go off into the cold, dark land all by myself. You have to understand that, for me, the last “cold, dark land” I went to was Canada. Not bad. Not bad at all. But I wuss, so…

So, what will I bring to India…??? I think it’ll be 80 degrees and humid. Kind of like back East. 😉