lextopia

my thoughts . my memories . my family . my projects . my fears
Subscribe

Archive for the ‘Running’

Open Water

June 27, 2010 By: admin Category: Abandonment Journal, Blogging Dinner, Body, Coal, Faith, Filmmaking, Food, Going Home, Happiness, Living, Love, Meditation, Molly, Running

Tonight I went to the gallery opening of a famous island painter, Allen Whiting. His work doesn’t jump out at you, but if you spend a little time seeing where he’s going with his choices, it certainly grows on you. Revealed. The intention is revealed. In other cases you can see the intention immediately.

Such was the case with the above painting, “April-Tisbury Great Pond-Chilmark, MA,” which I bought in postcard form for a friend. The moment I saw the postcard I knew it was for her. “The intrepid fisherman in waders in the early morning, out alone in his little skiff, too young to be so in love with a practice that takes him away from people.” But there’s a love in the image too. Pure love, that’s simple and universal. Everyone will look at this painting and feel the same thing.

Things are opening up. My mind, specifically. Letting go is more a lesson learned and less a teaching, and I am, for what it’s worth, the better for it. But I still wonder about love. In all the meditation I’ve done, classes taken, and books read there is no mention of how we are to maintain an attitude of impermanence while accepting love into our lives. One teacher said: “Oh, it makes love bigger and better!” But I don’t see how. “As soon as you love,” the teachings seem to go, “you have to remind yourself that everything is impermanent.” They lost me at “Hello.” How can you love and maintain an attitude of… alright, you know the rest. But you get where I’m coming from right?

I’m thinking about these things because I realized that I’m still in love and that I won’t be able to have another relationship until these feelings fade. But they’re pretty strong feelings, so my hope for success is… kinda low. So I turn to the teachings which say, in essence “Live with it. Sucka.” Okay, no, the teachings don’t add the “Sucka” part, but that’s what it feels like sometimes. The good news is that I’ve finally moved out of Bitter. I am now firmly ensconced in “Oh well,” which I usually follow with a shrug. I am Learning To Let Go, and, frankly, it sucks. Truly, though, I won’t know if it’s good that I’ve learned to let go until I have a new, real relationship, and as we know that won’t be for some time… blah, blah, blah… You get the idea.

And so I spend a lot of time alone. I sit and look all around at this gorgeous island’s landscapes, I read, I edit, and I watch a little TV now and again. I no longer eat dessert, run probably more than I should, sleep without a comforter, allow the cats to drink out of my water glass, and avoid–as much as possible–looking at pictures of myself from the back.

In short, things are changing–evolving before my eyes–and although I’m happy that I’ve finally found some of the grace to just observe it, the price sucks.

Day 1

September 06, 2009 By: admin Category: Abandonment Journal, Body, Faith, Family, Food, Happiness, Health, House, Living, Love, Meditation, Mom, Photoshop, Running, Valet Battleship Parking, Yoga

I don’t know if this is Alanis Morrisette’s response to the breakup of her engagement to actor Ryan Reynolds, but she’s always been an artist I admire for her emotional candor, and with this new song she certainly speaks word-for-word for me. It’s been a struggle, but the clouds are starting to part. Discipline and faith, family and friends are getting me through what will likely be the toughest breakup of my life. I doubt even Mom’s death will have had as much impact as this last relationship and it’s subsequent demise.  There’s so much still to look at. I’m going over it all, step by step, from the beginning, and just “facing” it. There’s no value in hanging on to the desire for revenge even though I want to. The knee-jerk reaction is slipping away. Sometimes it tries to make an appearance… I’ll be reading and it’ll pop up, but I won’t notice it for a few moments. After a bit it’ll bounce up and down: “Look at me! Look at me!” it’ll yell. “What…?” I’ll ask, annoyed be pulled away from my book. “You’re upset. You want to do something,” it’ll continue. “I am upset, but all I want to do is read my book. Now go away.”

See, Depression & Revenge like it a lot better when you drink or perform other acts self-sabotage. They hate it when you evolve…

So, like Alanis, I’m putting my experience into my work and every day life. Making practical use of all the pain. Every day I meditate, do yoga, run, eat well, make something in Photoshop and/or edit something, read at least 2 chapters of my book, and spend some time conceptualizing a part of the house design. I don’t ignore what’s going on at all, I use it against itself. After all, it’s energy, right? :)

One Hour In Defense of Discipline

October 14, 2008 By: admin Category: "Nice Boy", Food, General, Happiness, Health, Humane Food, Living, Meditation, Running, sustainability, Video, Yoga

books.jpg

So many books, so little time… It’s a popular sentiment for the Western busyness-obsessed. I’ve never been one of those people who has to have every second of the day filled or I’ll go insane thinking about my life, but I do admit that reading pathologically slowly has hamstrung my success. The good news is I don’t have to let it do that any more… cuz girlfriend’s got a little thing called discipline…

For the next few projects I’ve got on my plate I need to read a lot. Thinking In Pictures and The Omnivore’s Dilemma are at the top of the list. The problem is how to choose which to begin with. As I read so slowly I won’t likely be done with one before the mojo on the project requiring ingestion of the other has come and gone! What to do!??? Well, read them both, silly. Isn’t that obvious…. ? 😉

As my reading comprehension is actually pretty good when I’m researching, I’m taking advantage of that skill by focusing on each subject for a couple of hours each day. I read for one hour then make notes for an hour. I do the same for each book. Sometimes the “notes” portion of the day is just me thinking, but that’s time well spent. Back in 9th grade Mr. Sandine (the most genius English teacher of all time) assigned Wednesday homework like this: “Think.” Cool, huh? Well, I did. And, if nothing else, such exercises taught me how to think. That coupled with my video research work has morphed over the years into an ability to quickly visualize solutions to problems. I can place myself into an imagined situation very easily and therefore be much better prepared for the real-world counterpart when it finally develops.

So, when do I do all this great reading & focusing? After breakfast, after meditation, and after my run…

I know what you’re thinking… not enough hours in the day… I know… But there are enough hours IF you get up early and STICK TO YOUR SCHEDULE. Once that alarm rings telling you it’s time to do something else, you can’t procrastinate. Period. Check out this cool video of the late Randy Parse telling you how to be more efficient in your day-to-day.

I’ll see how this schedule goes and will report back here.  What I imagine I’ll discover at the beginning is that I’ll have to tweak certain times within the day such as getting up at 6:30am rather than 7:30am and allowing myself some emailing/blogging/news-reading downtime after I stretch. I’ll time myself for this first week to see how much I actually do this for, and I’ll also have to be careful about not working too late. I love making a nice dinner and sitting down to watch a movie or a show.This should be challenging…

Workin’, Workin’, Workin’

August 21, 2007 By: admin Category: Blogging Dinner, Body, Cooking, Fatblogging, Food, Health, India, Music, New Orleans, Running, Video

M and Jessen are in M’s studio right now writing a song for the Ronal Lewis New Orleans video. This one’s going to be beautiful… I finished the “picture lock” last night at 1:00am, and am now cranking out the India vids for delivery to AOL India later this week. I’m taking the opportunity to teach myself Apple’s Color for FCP, cuz if you have footage from India, ya better make it pretty! So far I’ve eaten shit with Color twice. Can’t ever remember to render before I send it all back to FCP. I’m sure this is all fascinating for you all…

Anyway, pictures to come!

Running: 13 mins.!!!! New time on gthe new route! Guess good sleep helped again…
Blogging Dinner: Tiny lamb chops sauteed in olice oil and garlic salt, with a salad. Also, I went to a par-tay on Sunday and wore a teeny tank top for the first time since moving here!!!!!

Indians ‘a-Comin’!

August 15, 2007 By: admin Category: Blogging Dinner, Body, Cooking, Fatblogging, Food, Health, Living, Mom, Music, New Orleans, Randomosity, Running, The Album, Video

I am so fortunate that I was able to spend time in New Orleans with the people that I did. I can’t think of a better Mardi Gras. Maybe if M had been there for the entire trip, it might have been better… 😉

My latest New Orleans video is up. It’s about the Mardi Gras Indians. It’s the 5th video in the series “New Orleans Voices” that I’m doing for Netscape. You can see some of them if you go to my videos page on Netscape. It’s pretty killer, but I think I love most of my videos… This particular vid is very close to my heart – the subject matter, anyway. A lot of folks worked real hard to get me some incredible access in New Orleans, and this, and ALL the New Orleans Voices videos are the result of that. Here’s to Troy, Jack and Michelle!!!

In other news: M wants to expand her video coverage of the album recording!!!! So, we’re going to take a cue from Bravo and will be interviewing her every night after she’s done with whatever she did that day. :) COOL, HUH????

Stay safe, y’all.

DINNER: leftover Dover Sole. The first time-’round wasn’t my best, I forgot to make greens, and something really odd happened to the rice. Still, the leftovers were edible and now they’re gone, which is good. We’re human recycle bins. Awesome.

RUNNING: KICKED ASS. Sometimes I think we chicks are enhanced by The Great Bleed. I don’t know. Sometimes I feel so fuckin’ powerful when I have my period, like tall-buildings-in-a-single-bound type powerful. WTF is that????

RANDOMOSITY: Zan emailed tonight and said she was rummaging through her pictures boxes and found the one of Mom standing on the dunes at the Cape. The one I framed. Wow…

Back To Normal

August 14, 2007 By: admin Category: Blogging Dinner, Body, Cooking, Fatblogging, Food, Health, Running, The Album, Video

After an exhausting full day of shooting and two hellish days of fighting with encodes and uploads, I am back to my normal schedule. I did my run this morning and didn’t embarrass myself after so many days away from it (5!). I did the long loop, that is my regular route now, in 14.5 minutes. I promise that later today I’m going to drive the loop and see just how long it really is. It’s if truly over one mile, I’ll be amazed.

Other than work, work and work, I’m enjoying the evolution of M’s incredible album! She showed me a new edit for the one song that’s kind of the epic on the record. Or,w ell, there are a few epics, but this one is brand-new and really gets back to what M is best at in composing: the marriage of power, complexity and delicateness. Anyway, I’m VERY excited about her progress. FYI: because I was feeling all PMSy last night, M made me a beautiful dinner: filet mignon, portobello mushrooms, green beans and red wine. It was perfect. :)

Today is about making connections. I am prepping 2 news shoots that could be very cool. One is a one-off, thank goodness (filming an author talking about his book), the other is much more involved. Immigration and religion. Very cool. We’ll see!

Running On Empty

August 02, 2007 By: admin Category: Body, Cooking, Fatblogging, Food, Health, Living, Running

So, here’s a tip: a dinner of sauteed tofu and artichokes won’t be enough of a base for your morning run the next day. :)

When I first stepped out this morning I could feel how tight and light my muscles were, but I thought–like every other morning–they would loosen up, I would get that “kick” and I’d be off and, um, running. Not so much… Instead, for the whole first third of my route I was like a faker, shuffling along one foot (as in 12 inches per step) at a time. I was furious at myself that I didn’t spend more time having a better breakfast, but, stupidly, I wanted to get out the door and back in a hurry so I could get to the load of work I have for the day started. Well, lesson learned. Eat more protein for dinner so you don’t fall on your face in the next morning’s run.

The good news is that the “kick” did kick in halfway through the run, although I was weezing all the way. I called on the power of the Magic Shoes and they delivered!

Today’s meals will be more carefully planned. And I’ll eat a lot more. I can feel that my metabolism is speeding up, and, if I do say so myself, girlfriend is looking pretty good! So I can afford to step up a carb or two.

Sick As A Dog

July 30, 2007 By: admin Category: Body, Fatblogging, Food, Health, Living, Running

belka_and_strelka_russian_space_dogs.jpg

Food poisoning. Ugh… You can’t imagine. I’ll spare the details cuz they’re disgusting, but will say that I was up most of the night hurling so hard I sprained all the muscles in my back. I shit you not. On a side note, I’ve definitely dropped those last few pounds I was looking to run off by August.

M. took care of me, tried to get something in me but everything just came right back up. This morning is much better. No nausea, no puking, just my back. I’m having miso soup and gatorade. :)

Rain

July 23, 2007 By: admin Category: Body, Fatblogging, Health, India, Running, Video

img_0124.JPG

No running today. Too much rain — I don’t want to muck up the Magic Shoes!!! It’s alright, though, because Michael and I went for a long, tough walk on the beach in Edgartown yesterday. He wanted to see the breach that had developed between MV and Chappaquidick due to storm surge a few months ago. Normally, “Chappy” is connected to Edgartown’s South Beach by a thin strip of sand that you can drive over. Now that strip of sand is gone and has been replaced by rough, deep water. It was cool to see even if it did take a rough, 30-minute walk through deep sand to get there. On the way back we swam in the warm, low-tide water, so that was a good payoff.

This morning, my amazing friend Alison, who runs Uddami, a computer school in Kolkata, West Bengal, sent a newsletter about the school’s recent activities. It includes a link to the video I made about the school for Netscape. In fact, Alison has also placed the video on the homepage of Uddami! This is a great, great honor…Thank you, Alison!!!

The Uddami video and all the others I shot while in Kolkata in January will be going up onto AOL India soon. Check back to my blog for an update!!!

“SiCKO”

July 22, 2007 By: admin Category: Body, Cooking, Fatblogging, Food, Health, Living, Running

Don’t wait. If you’ve ever had a sniffle, or sprained your ankle, or had triple-bypass go immediately and see this movie:

sicko-poster.jpg

Don’t listen to anyone who hasn’t seen the movie yet, just GO. There are a ton of people out there who are afraid to find out what Michael Moore has taken great pains to tell us: that we are being slowly and systematically killed. Think I”m joking? See the movie…

Thank you, Mr. Moore.